Silence

Silence filled the room.

He tried to open his eyes, move the slightest bit. His body wouldn't cooperate.

The last thing he remembered was the pain as the bullet had passed through him.

No, that wasn't true. The last thing he remembered was her voice. The shock and distress as she called his name.

Had she really called his name?

He tried again to move. Still, nothing.

His nose picked up various scents in the room. The invariable hospital smell of disinfectant and sickness underneath. The odor of garlic on the breath of the nurse who tended to him. The light floral fragrance of Lieutenant Sims. The cologne of Commanders Rabb and Turner, who always stopped by together. The sweaty smell of the SecNav, who had come by once. And her. Always her. That aroma of vanilla, strawberries, and simply... Sarah.

He could hear visitors come in and out of the room. His team... always there for him. The soft beeping of a monitor registered in the back of his mind. Gentle murmuring near his ear.

It seemed that there wasn't a time that she hadn't been there. Sometimes speaking softly, telling him the news from JAG, encouraging him to hold on... but mostly, merely sitting and holding his hand.

He knew she blamed herself. He ached to reach out and hold her, to look into her eyes and tell her that it wasn't her fault... but he couldn't. He couldn't move, couldn't see.

There was so much he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her of his respect in her abilities--as a Marine and as a woman. She was a mixture of strength and vulnerability that never failed to affect him. He was proud of how far she had come during her time at JAG.

He wanted so badly to love her the way she deserved to be loved. Not possessively, like Brumby; not controlling her, like her late husband. He simply wanted to love her, and be loved in return.

It could never happen, though, and they both knew it. They knew what was right. Loving each other wasn't permitted. They had to keep a proper distance at all times.

A pain that had nothing to do with his physical being tore through him. He wanted to weep at what he had done. He had allowed himself to push her away, to keep her at arm's length, fearing the regulations. He had lost yet another chance at happiness.

He could feel himself slipping away. He would have sighed with relief, if he hadn't been on a respirator. His heartbeat slowed with each breath. The sounds of soothing whispering and muted beeping slowly faded, until all was silent. His only anchor was the gentle pressure of a small hand in his. The pressure disappeared.

One thought dominated all others.

'I love you, Sarah. I will always love you.'

A shrill alarm shattered the silence.

Silence filled the room.

They tried to get her to move away from the bed, but she refused. She wouldn't leave his side for a minute. Her eyes were glued to his face, searching for the smallest glimpse of life.

The last thing she remembered was bullet passing through him.

No, that wasn't true. The last thing she remembered was the look in his eyes. It was a mixture of sadness and love that took her breath away. She had called his name in a panic.

Had she really called his name?

She could hear visitors come in and out of the room. Harriet, Harm, Sturgis... the entire JAG Ops staff had come to pay their respects. Even the SecNav had stopped by. They all expressed kind words and expressions of sympathy.

It seemed that there wasn't a time that she hadn't been there. Sometimes speaking softly, telling him the news from JAG, encouraging him to hold on... but mostly, merely sitting and holding his hand.

It was her fault. That sniper had wanted her, not him. If she had been a little quicker, just a bit more alert, neither of them would be there right now.

There was so much she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him of her respect in his abilities--as a Naval officer and as a man. He was a mixture of strength and vulnerability that never failed to affect her.

She wanted so badly to love him the way he deserved to be loved. She wouldn't be like the other women in his life. She would stay by him through anything.

It could never happen, though, and they both knew it. They knew what was right. Loving each other wasn't permitted. They had to keep a proper distance at all times.

A pain that had nothing to do with her physical being tore through her. She wanted to weep at what she had done. She had allowed herself to push him away, to keep him at arm's length, fearing the regulations. She had lost yet another chance at happiness.

She sat by the bed, clutching his hand in hers, and praying for him to come back to her. She wouldn't let another man be taken by her curse. 'Please, please, AJ... don't leave me here. Please, don't give up. Come back to me.'

She knew the moment he began to slip away. The monitors he was hooked up to kept track of that, of course; but it was more than that. It felt as if half of her soul was being torn from her. She knew he wanted to go. Saying her last goodbyes, she released his hand.

She spoke to the quiet room.

"I love you, AJ. I will always love you."

A shrill alarm shattered the silence.