Doth Protest Too Much

How dare he?

I storm out of his office. "What about dinner?" he asks. What about dinner? He asks me that at a time like this?

"Enjoy it," I spit back.

He told them that we were getting married?! Not that I would mind, but... he hasn't even asked me. I had to learn this from one of his subordinates. Unbelievable!

And he used marrying me as an excuse to retire? Gee, that's great for the ego. Then, I suggested that we should stop dancing and start talking. "Interested?" That's what he asked me! Interested? Well, of course--but that isn't exactly the most romantic proposal I've ever heard.

"Meredith?" I hear from behind me. I turn around--it's Mac. She looks at me concernedly. "Mer, are you all right?"

"Just peachy," I snap. What am I doing? This is Mac. She's certainly not responsible for the stupidity of the male species. "I'm sorry, Mac," I apologize. "I'm afraid I'm not in the best of moods right now."

"Why?" she asks me. "I would think that you would be floating right about now."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh, so you've heard the gossip, too."

She looks slightly uncomfortable. "Of course; scuttlebutt travels fast, you know." She ushers me into her office and shuts the door for privacy.

"Well, I have a scoop to make the rounds: it isn't true." Her eyes widen in surprise... and... is that relief? No, no, of course not.

"It's not? You and the Admiral aren't... No, never mind. It's none of my business."

I force a laugh. "Of course it's your business, Mac; you introduced us, after all. You have the right to see if your matchmaking worked."

She looks at me sharply. "I wasn't matchmaking," she says forcefully. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

"Okay... but no, we aren't getting married. In fact, he's never even mentioned it until about ten minutes ago. And then, it's only because I forced the issue! Can you believe that?"

"Well, yes, actually, I can," she says slowly. "The Admiral has always been a very private man. We didn't even learn that he had a daughter until my second year here."

"Oh, and that's another thing," I say. "He's mentioned before that he has a daughter, but I've never met her. In fact, I never even knew her name until tonight, when he mentioned that he wanted to see her more often! Now, don't you think that would be something you mentioned to your prospective future wife?"

She looks at me oddly. "Well, she does live in Italy, Meredith. And as for mentioning it to you... I guess it would be something I would want to know about the man I loved. But then, Mic never told me much about important issues."

I sigh, then laugh. "You know, Mac, I'm looking for sympathy here, not reason."

She smiles, "Yeah, I know--sorry. It's part of being a lawyer, I suppose."

I stand and stretch. "Well, I guess I'd better be going now. Hey, are you busy for dinner?"

"Yeah, actually," she smiles ruefully. "I need to finish this rebuttal document. Sorry. But can I take a rain check?"

"Sure, Mac. Thanks for listening." She nods, already buried in a pile of papers, and I leave. I think I'll stop by the grocery store and pick up some ice cream on my way home. It's a good night for some chocolate...

I'm elbow-deep in a pile of papers when I look up and see Meredith walking through the bullpen. She stops to greet Harriet, who has a big smile on her face. I chuckle. Harriet's probably more excited about the engagement than Meredith is. No... that's not possible.

A few minutes later, I see Meredith stalk out of the Admiral's office. Uh-oh... she looks ticked. I stand and follow her.

"Meredith?" She stops and turns around. She is really upset. "Mer, are you all right?"

"Just peachy," she snaps sarcastically. Wow, I don't think I've ever heard her be sarcastic before. She automatically apologizes. "I'm sorry, Mac. I'm afraid I'm not in the best of moods right now."

It takes all of my self-control not to let my jaw drop in shock. I'm surprised that my voice doesn't crack when I say, "Why? I would think that you would be floating right about now." I know that I damn sure would be. My feet would be five inches off the ground.

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh, so you've heard the gossip, too."

Well, of course, Meredith. I am the Chief of Staff. The only person who hears more than me is your... fiancé. Aloud, I say, "Of course; scuttlebutt travels fast, you know." I gesture her into my office and shut the door.

"Well, I have a scoop to make the rounds: it isn't true." I look at her, surprised and... I'm ashamed to admit... relieved. What a wonderful friend I am. I'm relieved that my friend is not marrying the man I... oh, no, Mac; don't go there. You won't be able to finish this conversation otherwise.

"It's not? You and the Admiral aren't... No, never mind. It's none of my business." And it's not. It's none of my business who my commanding officer decides to marry. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to know...

Meredith laughs a bit, and says, "Of course it's your business, Mac; you introduced us, after all. You have the right to see if your matchmaking worked."

I look at her sharply. "I wasn't matchmaking." Whoa, MacKenzie--that was just a bit too forceful. But really, I was not matchmaking. If I had been, I would've paired two people who were much more compatible. Like myself and--stop! Thinking like this will get you nothing but heartache and a court-martial!

We conclude the conversation, Meredith telling me that she hadn't known Francesca's name until now. That's odd. Meredith isn't usually one to hold back from asking questions, and if the Admiral mentioned he had a daughter, I'd think she'd ask what her name was.

Anyway, I have to decline dinner with Meredith. I really need to get this rebuttal done for the Admiral.

I can't believe he's decided to just give up the fight. This is not like him at all. But then again, maybe it is. He's always seen the integrity of his position as more important than his own personal desires. He considered retiring last year, after that mess with the spitting incident and his flag mast. Fortunately, he didn't. God, I hope this doesn't go that far...

An hour later, I finally finish. This should convince the SecNav that the Admiral did nothing wrong. It's Lindsey that should be investigated, for abusing the power of his position. Secretary Sheffield seems like a reasonable man. Hopefully, he'll prove it.

I pick up the completed file, stand, and walk to the Admiral's office. He's standing by his fireplace, staring into the flames with a contemplative look on his face. I look my fill for a moment, enjoying the way the light dances across his features, enhancing the intensity of his eyes.

He doesn't look up, so I knock lightly on the doorframe and ask, "Excuse me, Admiral. Can we talk for a minute?"

Finally, he does look up. He looks so lost and confused, and my heart goes out to him. "Why not," he sighs. "Come on in."

I walk into the office, and he sits in his big leather desk chair. I hand him the report that I've been working on. "I've made up dossiers rebutting the allegations of Commander Lindsey's extremely biased report, sir."

He takes it and flips it open. "Good work. I'll pass it along to the SecNav."

"You still thinking about resigning, sir?" I ask tentatively."

"Yes," he replies tersely.

"Those dossiers make it abundantly clear why you shouldn't resign, and why the SecNav shouldn't fire you."

"Well, I appreciate that--" he starts. I interrupt him.

"Excuse me, sir, but I--I think you need to hear what I have to say," I insist. Oh, no, AJ Chegwidden, you are not giving up that easily. Not while I still have a breath in my body.

"Have a seat," he says curtly. I do, and continue.

"You told the office this morning that you were resigning because you and Meredith were getting married. I saw Meredith on the way out a few minutes ago, and she told me that you made that story up, on the spot." I'm skating on thin ice here, but I'll be damned if I let him go through with this.

"Guilty as charged," he says, looking a bit bemused, as well as angry. I know that he is an intensely private man; I need to be careful.

I take a deep breath. "You don't want to retire, sir... and the only reason you're considering it is--is to protect us: myself, Commander Rabb, Lieutenant Roberts, Lieutenant Sims... because we're the ones intentionally smeared by Commander Lindsey. You think Commander Lindsey is out to get you personally, and that he's just dragging us through the mud to do it."

"Yes," he says again. A man of few words--but, of course, I knew that. I press on.

"Well... it's his motive I'm questioning, sir. He told Commander Rabb that he wanted this office broken apart, and us scattered to the four winds. Well, if that's the case, then your resignation is of no benefit to us or to the Navy."

"Or to me?" Absolutely not, AJ! It's of the least benefit to you. Don't you realize that?

"It's absolutely not in your character to cave in, and I refuse to accept that from you--for any reason," I say insistently. I know that I'm flirting with an insubordination charge... but if I get him to change his mind, it would be well worth it.

"Are you done?" he asks.

"No, sir. You are offering to sacrifice your career... and with all due respect, sir, that offer is not accepted."

"I hope that will be all." His eyes are starting to get that closed-off, shuttered look that I hate. I decide to quit while I'm ahead--while he's still listening to me.

"Yes, sir." I rise and turn to leave.

"Mac." I turn around to face him. He smiles slightly. "Thanks." The softness in his eyes nearly has me in tears. I smile at him and leave the office.

Anytime, AJ. Anytime.