All Ye Faithful
Author: Raindrops on Roses
Rating: PG
Category: Vignette, Angst
Spoilers: Probably a small one for "All Ye Faithful", but not really that big.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. They belong to DPB.
Author's notes: When I said I wanted to write a short fic based on last Tuesday's episode, this was not what I had in mind; however, it's what just came out of my fingers and onto the screen when I sat down to write. Those muses sure can be contrary, can't they?
I have no reason to be jealous.
Besides, we've all known for years that she's in love with him.
So why does it feel like I've been punched in the gut?
We are all gathered around the Roberts' dining room table for Christmas dinner. I can see that she is worried. Hell, so am I. Every time Rabb goes up in an airplane, something happens. It never fails.
She keeps looking at the front door, as if she's expecting him to walk through it any minute.
I know it's wrong. She's my subordinate, she's in love with someone else, I'm in a relationship, she's nearly two decades my junior... the list could go on for days. But... I find myself watching her at odd moments. Admiring her beauty, her poise, her compassion. I'm a man, right? I can't be blamed for the occasional errant thought.
But... this goes beyond physical attraction. I want to protect her from the world. I want to comfort her when she has a bad day, enjoy a quiet evening with her, see her face when I wake up in the morning.
I'm jealous of Rabb. He has her undying love, unrequited as it seems. That fool boy had better get his head out of his six. Can't he see how much he hurts her, the longer he waits to say something?
If she were mine, you could bet your life I would hold on to her with both hands and never let go.
Then, I feel guilty. I have no right to have these feelings for her. But I do. And it hurts that I can never say anything. But that would hurt more than one person, not the least is she. She would probably run screaming towards the hills if she had a clue the depth of feeling I have for her.
Then, there's Meredith to think about. She doesn't know how I feel about Sarah. God, I hope she doesn't know. She is rather astute about these things. I need to have a talk with her... soon.
Sarah. Princess. She does remind me of a princess. Her grace, control, strength, beauty...
Here comes her prince. Walking through the door, looking as if he owns the world. I wonder how he saved the day today?
I see the look of relief in her eyes as he meets her gaze. I observe the glance they exchange as he takes his seat at the table. God, what I would give for her to look at me like that...
"Don't they look so perfect together, AJ?"
But she never will, AJ. And you're a damned old fool for wishing that she would.
