After the Movie
Author: Raindrops on Roses
Rating: G
Spoilers: Small one for "JAGathon"
Disclaimer: They're not mine, they never will be.
Sarah MacKenzie was scared.
No, make that terrified.
They were approaching her apartment in Georgetown, where she had suggested they go after watching a movie at the Roberts' house.
She was more scared than when her mother had left, than when she was drying out at Red Rock Mesa, than going through Parris Island...
God, she was petrified.
They had watched 'The Princess Bride', her all-time favorite movie. She had explained to AJ why she loved it so much, baring her soul to him in a way she had never showed anyone else. He was so supportive, so caring, that she felt safe with him. She hadn't felt that way in years. Had she ever felt like that before?
Then, AJ had told her that he loved her. Oh, not in so many words, but he had known exactly what he was saying, as did she. She was so overjoyed; she thought her heart would burst. She had thrown herself at him and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.
He had said it again at the front door: "As you wish." The timbre of his voice had sent shivers down her spine, and a warm feeling started to thaw out her heart.
Now that she was in her Corvette, alone with her thoughts, the doubts
started creeping up on her. She was afraid of what might happen. She didn't have the greatest track record with men, after all. She was afraid for herself; but she was more afraid for him. She didn't want to hurt him the way she had hurt all the others.
Reaching her building, she pulled into a vacant parking spot. AJ's black Escalade pulled in next to her. Getting out, she chanced a glance at him. He was smiling at her. She smiled back wanly.
Together, they walked up to her apartment. She looked up at him when they reached her door. She took a deep breath, and said, "AJ, I think you should leave."
"What? Why, Sarah? I thought we were going to talk?" Confusion and hurt were evident in his voice.
"No, AJ; just... just go," she choked out.
He took one look at the tears streaking down her face, and said, "I'm not going anywhere, Sarah." He tried to imbue his words with as much meaning as possible.
"I want you to leave," she insisted weakly. He simply shook his head, and taking her keys from her hand, unlocked her door. Opening the door, he ushered her inside.
He flipped the light switch and closed the door behind him. When he turned around, she was still standing in the middle of the living room, with a lost look on her face. Taking her arm, he gently led her over to the couch.
They sat, and he asked her quietly, "Sarah, why did you ask me to leave?"
She looked at him with wide, sad eyes. She said simply, "I don't want to hurt you."
"What do you mean? I want to be here with you. Sending me away, that's what's hurting me." He cupped her face in one large, warm hand. "Tell me, Sarah."
Taking a shuddering breath, she spoke. "AJ, everyone I've ever loved, I've hurt. It's like Harm said, 'Everyone who's ever been with me is either dead or feels like they are.' I would hurt you, and you've already been hurt enough. I... I guess I'm just trying to protect you," she finished weakly.
AJ's heart ached for the woman beside him. He could see her fear, and although they both knew it was irrational, he could understand it. Gathering her into his arms, he rocked her back and forth, trying to comfort her. He kissed the top of her head, and then felt her tears start to flow, wetting his shirt.
"Oh, Sarah," he whispered hoarsely. He said gently, "Darlin', 'life is pain', but you don't stop feeling because of that. I know that you're afraid, but don't push me away. I love you. I want to be here with you. You hurt me more when you shut me out than anything you could ever do. And besides, Rabb's an idiot anyway," he added as an afterthought. Her sobs started to wrack her body, and he simply lifted her onto his lap, holding her closer.
Finally, she stopped crying. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Sarah."
"No, I mean, I must be crushing your legs!" She tried to slide off his lap, but he held her there.
"You're not heavy, Sarah. Besides, I like having you in my arms."
She smiled and laid her head on his shoulder. "AJ?" she murmured quietly.
"What, darlin'?"
"I love you."
