Anguish and Acceptance
Author: Raindrops on Roses
Rating: G
Category: Vignette, Angst
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, etc.
Spoilers: None
My god, she's beautiful.
Not that this is a new thought for me. But Sarah MacKenzie is just... just...
I'm speechless. I'm a lawyer, I make a living manipulating the English language, and my mind has gone absolutely blank.
She has an ethereal glow about her today. She shines like the noonday sun. Waxing poetic, AJ?
'I can sum it up in one word,' says a little voice in my mind. 'Perfect.'
She does. She looks perfect. I feel an ache start growing in the vicinity of my heart. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I finally find the power of speech. I smile. "Sarah. You look absolutely beautiful."
She blushes, which only endears her to me more, if that were at all possible. Even as beautiful as she is, she's never gotten accustomed to accepting compliments.
Harriet, the Matron of Honor, flutters in to make sure that everything is ready, and to get the wedding party in line.
I offer my arm to Sarah. "Well, Colonel? Shall we?"
"Please, call me Sarah." She blushes again. "And yes, I'm ready." She takes my arm, and breathes deeply.
We watch the bridesmaids walk down the aisle, and finally hear the opening strains of 'Here Comes the Bride'. I smile at her encouragingly, and we make our way down the aisle.
I can hear the whispers of the guests to our left and right. "Beautiful." "Wow." "Amazing." Yes, all of those words describe Sarah. There is one that I particularly agree with. "Angelic." I glance over at her. She does have a heavenly quality today.
She smiles at me, that gentle, joyful smile that I love so much, and my heart starts to bleed. Just tie it off, AJ. Lock it behind a door and throw away the key.
We reach the end of the aisle. I hear, "Who gives this woman to this man?" My cue.
"I--" My voice cracks. I clear my throat. "I do." The words, which I utter under such similar, yet different circumstances in my most secret dreams, leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I release her hand, and she floats up to the altar, to the man she loves.
My heart weeps, but I don't show it on my face. I force myself to smile through the entire ceremony. I berate myself for letting another woman get into my heart, for letting her hurt me like this.
Duty. Sometimes duty is a poor substitute for this... for love. But it's all I have, all I can depend on.
She's not yours, AJ. She never has been, and she never will be. That's obvious even to the untrained observer.
But there is something I can do. I can make sure she's happy. If she's happy with Rabb, so be it. But that is my mission. Sarah's happiness.
And if he ever hurts her... well, I may not be the only one who'll want a piece of him... but I will be the first.
The rest of the day goes by in a daze. I find myself at the reception, fending off women with smiles on their faces and a feral gleam in their eyes. I retreat after my dance with the bride. I can't be polite and gentlemanly right now. I don't want to be. Of course, my civilized side kicks in, and I find myself leading quite a few dance partners around the floor.
Finally, the bride and groom retire for the evening, in a shower of confetti and ribald jokes. I roll my eyes; glad I was able to escape from the tossing of the bouquet and garter. Sometimes, having an irritating ass for a boss is a good thing.
I get to my hotel room, not sure if I could make it back to McLean in one piece. I remove my uniform and crawl into bed. I stay up, watching late night television and crappy 'B' movies, not wanting to fall asleep.
Inevitably, I do. I dream of Sarah, in that wedding gown that makes her look like an angel. But when she gets to the altar... I hold out my arm, and take her hand in my own.
